Wouldn’t life be so much easier without emotions?

 

Think about all of the great people that you’ve ever heard about. In spite of their great intelligence, abilities, and charisma, it was always their run away emotions that brought them down. In our own lives of course it is our emotions that also cause so much havoc and suffering.

 

Yet, in spite of the enormous difficulties caused by our emotions, when all is said and done it is our emotions that give us the greatest connection with life. A computer may be able to make all of the right decisions all of the time but a computer knows nothing of love and excitement. Indeed, a life without emotion is a life hardly worth living.

 

 

 

Indeed, authentic Yiddishkeit has emphasized the importance of emotions. We are directed to love Hashem and to show love to each other. The prophets of old warned us that service of Hashem without feeling would lead to disaster (see, for example, Isaiah 29:13). Tehillim speaks proudly over and over of David’s emotional struggles. Balance between emotional validation and expression with reason is of course the desired goal. Excessive emotionality is just as destructive as a life devoid of feeling (see Mishlay, 18:2 where Shlomo Hamelech/Solomon tells us that A fool hath no delight in understanding, But only that his heart may reveal itself.) That is why the Rambam/Maimonides counsels moderation and balance.

 

So how do we live life deeply and not be undermined by our emotions? That is where emotion regulation skills come in. Emotion regulation skills are intended to help you strike the right balance between the wisdom of logic and the wisdom of emotions. By integrating our logic and emotions we can find wholeness in our lives.

 

 

First Things First: Do You Have Difficulties With Emotional Regulation?

 

The vast majority of us have difficulties with feelings. Whether we have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, depression or have no past history of any psychiatric disorder, chances are that at one time or another your feelings have in some way undermined your aspirations. Here is a list of questions that will help you determine how the skills of emotional regulation can help you.

 

Have your feelings led you to do things that you later regretted?

 

Have you sometimes felt that your feelings are stronger than your goals and best interests?

 

Do you feel that you are not in touch with your feelings?

 

Do you sometimes feel that you act and you don’t know why?

 

Do you feel like you don’t have feelings?

 

The good news is the skills of emotional regulation will help you get your emotions on your side.