It is was the Three Dog Nights who wrote the words to the immortal song, “One is the loneliest number”. Closer to home, the Torah observes that “it is not good that man be alone.” (Braishis, 2:18). Loneliness really is the greatest pain that a human being can experience. Solitary confinement still ranks as the worst torture that anyone can suffer.

 

Yet relationships with others are often the greatest cause of suffering. Just think about it: the same person who can make us feel great to be alive can cut us to the bone. We may desperately want to be in the company of others but the pain that comes with it is often so unbearable.

 

While people the world over struggle with the conflict between friendship and independence, people with borderline personality disorder usually have an especially hard time. They often find themselves baffled and hurt by the behaviors of others. Despite their well meaning intentions and warmth, people with borderline often become socially isolated in ways that prevent them from succeeding in life.

 

Since one’s social life is such a vital part of success in life, one of the core skill groups of DBT is interpersonal effectiveness. The essence of interpersonal effectiveness is the ability to have positive and enjoyable interactions with all of the people in one’s life. These interactions create bridges through which one can live a life of joy and confidence.